Reasons why playing with friends is lonely and unfulfilling and how to deal with it

You had a good time, but suddenly a feeling of loneliness hits you. Sometimes you feel unfulfilled even after having fun with your friends. However, it may not be a good idea to immediately contact your friends.

If you pursue too much immediate stimulation, you may feel a sense of emptiness.

This article will provide a psychological perspective on why playing with friends is lonely and unfulfilling and what to do about it.

Pleasure is temporary! Fill the here and now

Why playing with friends is lonely and unfulfilling

Feeling unfulfilled even after playing with friends… This seemingly contradictory phenomenon has actually been scientifically clarified.

Hedonic Treadmill Phenomenon

When we have a good time, we release neurotransmitters related to happiness, such as dopamine and serotonin. However, these effects are temporary and fade over time.

This is known as the “hedonic treadmill phenomenon.

Humans have a tendency to constantly seek new stimuli, and no matter how enjoyable an experience may be, once we become accustomed to it, our sense of well-being diminishes.

For example, you may start a new game and enjoy it very much at first, but after playing it every day, you may gradually become bored and move on to another game.

This is because the brain is always looking for new stimuli and is no longer satisfied with the same stimuli.

The same goes for playing with friends. It is great fun at first, but if you do the same thing over and over again, you may find yourself getting stuck in a rut and feeling unsatisfied.

Playing with friends won’t fulfill you unless you change your “mindset.

American psychologist John Cacioppo dichotomized loneliness into “social isolation” and “subjective loneliness.

Social isolation refers to the state of actually having few relationships with others. Subjective loneliness, on the other hand, refers to the state of feeling that one is alone.

At first glance, people who play with friends and spend time with family seem to be free from subjective loneliness. In reality, however, there are many people who feel that they are lonely, even though there are many people around them.

Subjective loneliness is caused by self-negating thoughts and perceptions.

and other coping strategies were also investigated, but the amount of effect was higher when approaching social cognition rather than using these physical coping strategies.

Conversely, no matter how much you improve your communication skills or increase the number of friends you have, if you have social cognitions such as “I am a lonely person…,” you will never get rid of loneliness.

Four ways to deal with being lonely and unfulfilled when playing with friends

Let’s take a look at what to do when you are lonely and unfulfilled after playing with friends.

Change negative thought patterns

As mentioned in the previous art, the root cause of loneliness is social cognition. Therefore, there are ways to modify the negative thought patterns that cause loneliness. Specifically, the following four steps are repeated.

1. become aware of your thinking habits

First, it is important to recognize what negative thought patterns you have. For example,

Let’s pay attention to whether thoughts such as “I am a lonely person,” “I am not loved,” or “I am not attractive compared to others” are habitually floating around in your head.

2. evaluate the objectivity of your thoughts

When a negative thought comes to mind, ask, “Is that really the right thought?” and evaluate it objectively.

Often, negative thoughts are based more on emotion than fact and are not always correct when viewed objectively.

3. write down the thoughts

Writing down negative thoughts helps you organize your mind and objectively analyze your thought patterns. For each thought you write down, ask yourself, “Is that really the right idea?” Is there another way to look at it?” and “Is there another way to look at it?

4. replace with realistic thinking

Once you recognize and objectively evaluate your negative thoughts, replace them with realistic, positive thoughts.

For example, if the thought is “I am a lonely person,” consciously use words that affirm yourself, such as “Some people are with me,” or “I can be there for others because I am lonely.

Fulfill the present moment.

Changing your thought patterns is an effective way to do this, but it is a bit of a labor-intensive process and you are likely to fall behind before you achieve the desired effect.

Therefore, we recommend mindfulness, which is also the main theme of this website.

Mindfulness is to observe the experience of the present moment as it is, without evaluating it as good or bad. It does not require any tools and can be practiced with only one’s awareness, which makes it highly sustainable.

Mindfulness and Fullness

The term mindfulness can be divided into two meanings

1. Mind=Mind
2. Fullness=fulfillment

In other words, by being openly aware of the present moment, the mind is meant to be full. As I explained at the beginning of this article, even if you feel temporarily fulfilled by playing with friends, the hedonic treadmill phenomenon will bring you back to a state of dissatisfaction.

In mindfulness, we accept whatever the present moment is and practice to maintain a constant state of mental fulfillment. It is like being fulfilled when you are with friends and being fulfilled when you are alone.

We create fulfillment from within ourselves, without depending on anything else.

How to practice mindfulness

There are several ways to practice mindfulness, including

By practicing these methods, you can focus on the present moment without being distracted by thoughts and feelings.

Focusing on the present moment allows you to feel small moments of happiness and reduces feelings of loneliness.

Mindfulness can be easily practiced in everyday life. For example, when eating, try to enjoy your meal using all five senses, including taste, smell, and texture.

Also, when you are walking, try to be aware of the sights and sounds around you. In this way, you can practice mindfulness by being aware of small things in your daily life.

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Don’t expect too much from the enjoyment you get from your friends.

Having fun with friends is fun. However, if you expect too much from that enjoyment, you may become discouraged when it does not meet your expectations.

Socializing with friends is only a part of life, not the whole fulfillment.

Before you play with friends, be aware of what you are looking for.

The enjoyment you get depends on your purpose, such as By being aware of your objectives, you can avoid excessive expectations and enjoy your interactions with friends more.

It is also important to find ways to have fun outside of playing with friends.

Finding something you are passionate about, such as a hobby, job, or volunteer work, will broaden your life and reduce your dependence on the enjoyment you get from your friends.

Don’t assume that loneliness = evil.

Solitude is not necessarily a bad thing. Rather, by making the most of your solitary time, you can face yourself and develop your inner self.

When you are lonely, try the following

By practicing these methods, you can turn solitary time into valuable time for personal growth.

Lonely time can also be an opportunity to build new relationships. People who are feeling lonely are more likely to empathize with others who are feeling the same way as they are, and this can easily create opportunities to make new connections.

Conclusion

Feeling lonely and unfulfilled after playing with friends can happen to anyone. The important thing is to understand the causes and practice appropriate coping strategies.

Please refer to the three points introduced in this article to find your own way of coping with it. We hope that you will be able to deal with loneliness and lead an enriched life.

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