We all have had this experience of self-loathing and depression after meeting someone – we have all experienced this at one time or another, I am sure.
The reasons for this include perfectionism, comparisons with others, and past trauma. This article will explain in detail the reasons for such self-loathing and how to deal with it.
Contents
Why do you feel depressed and self-loathing after meeting someone?
First, let’s look at the reasons for depression and self-loathing after meeting with others.
Perfectionism
Looking back on the conversation and what you said or did, you may regret “I should have done this better” or “I should have said that at that time. People who tend to be shy or perfectionistic are especially prone to these regrets.
For example,
I should have told more interesting stories.
“I should have been more aggressive.”
I should have been a better listener.”
In some cases, specific regrets come to mind and lead to self-loathing, such as
Furthermore, in today’s society, there are many opportunities to come into contact with a variety of people, both at work and in one’s private life, which can easily lead to an increase in the number of regrets.
Comparison with others
When we see the appearance, abilities, background, happiness, etc. of people we meet, we may compare ourselves with them and feel inferior.
For example,
“That person has a fulfilling career and personal life, but I’m not…”
“She’s so cute, but I’m not…”
“She’s so smart, but I’m not…”
Comparing oneself with others, such as by comparing oneself to others, can lead to a lowered sense of self-esteem.
Comparison with others can cause us to lose sight of ourselves and fall into negative thinking.
Past trauma
Past experiences of hurtful or unsuccessful relationships can cause people to unconsciously engage in self-protective thinking after meeting others. For example,
I don’t want them to hate me.
I don’t want to be ridiculed.
This fear can cause people to become overly nervous and restrict what they say and do.
Past trauma may cause them to be afraid of meeting or interacting with others.
Anti-Circumcussive Thinking (One Person’s Reflection) is
The thought of repeatedly recalling past conversations or one’s own words and actions alone after meeting with others, and feeling regret or self-loathing, is called “anticlimactic thinking” or “one-person reflection”.
Anti-recessive thinking can happen to anyone, but if repeated excessively, it can have the following negative effects
1. depressed mood
Antinomian thinking causes one to feel depressed and melancholy when one remembers only past failures and regrets.
Even if you had a good time, falling into the anti-counterfactual thinking afterward can ruin the pleasant memories you had.
2. low self-esteem
Excessive criticism of one’s own words and actions can lead to a decrease in self-esteem and self-confidence.
I am a bad person.
I am not loved by anyone.
and “I am not good enough,” and “No one will ever love me,” and this can lead to a self-negative personality.
3. anxiety and nervousness
4. fear of meeting people or feeling uncomfortable in contact with people.
They may become nervous or anxious when talking to others because they overanalyze conversations, words, and actions.
4. difficulty concentrating
Because we think only about past conversations and what we have said and done, we are unable to focus on what is in front of us. They also spend even more time regretting and often lose touch with what they need to do.
It can make it difficult to concentrate on work or study, or interfere with daily life.
5. depression and other psychiatric disorders
Prolonged periods of anticlimactic thinking can lead to the development of depression and other psychiatric disorders. Depression can cause symptoms such as depressed mood, lethargy, and sleep disturbances.
Types of Antinomian Thoughts
In the study by Oi et al. (2017) [1], the content of anti-circular thinking is classified into seven main categories
1. lamentation/regret
Lamenting/regret thoughts involve negative feelings about past events. If one continues to be trapped in these thoughts, one’s sense of self can decline, leading to depression and other mental illnesses.
2. solution
At first glance, solution-seeking thoughts appear to be positive. However, if repeated excessively, they can become stuck in anticlimactic thinking and increase anxiety and tension.
3. criticism of self
Criticism of the self decreases self-esteem and leads to a loss of self-confidence. Stronger self-negative thinking can also negatively affect relationships and work.
4) Cause-seeking
Pursuit of causes is necessary to understand past events and to avoid repeating the same mistakes. However, excessive focus on causes can lead to self-criticism and negative thinking.
5. vague anxiety
Vague anxiety is a feeling of anxiety or fear that has no concrete basis. This anxiety can interfere with daily life and impair concentration.
6. giving up
Thoughts of giving up can cause us to give up trying. If you continue to be stuck in this thought, you will limit your life possibilities.
7. positive connotations
Positive meaning-making is an important thought to break free from anti-counterfactual thinking. By finding positive meaning in past events, we can enhance our self-esteem and look forward to the future with a positive attitude.
How to Deal with Anti-Counterfactual Thinking
Antinomial thinking can happen to anyone, but when repeated excessively, it can have a negative effect on the body and mind.
The following are some ways to deal with anti-circular thinking.
Write down your thoughts
Writing down on paper the thoughts that go through your mind when anticlimactic thoughts occur is an effective way to objectively observe and analyze your thoughts. Writing them down provides the following benefits
Organizing thoughts
When you think only in your mind, your thoughts become chaotic and it is difficult to understand what the problem is and how to deal with it. Writing things down helps you organize your thoughts and grasp the essence of the problem.
Recognize distortions in your thinking.
By writing out your thoughts, you can become aware of biases and distortions in your thinking. Negative thinking patterns such as “I am no good” or “I can’t do anything” can be discovered and corrected into more realistic and objective thinking.
Organizing Emotions
Antinomian thoughts are accompanied by negative emotions such as regret, anxiety, anger, and sadness. Writing them down helps to organize and understand the emotions. By understanding emotions, appropriate coping strategies can be found.
To learn more about how to write down your thoughts and feelings, please visit
How to Write Mindful Notes, Explaining Three Ways
How to do journaling (writing meditation) and its benefits explained
2. cognitive behavioral therapy
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is an effective treatment for a variety of psychological problems, including anti-circular thinking. Cognitive-behavioral therapy addresses antinominal thinking in the following ways
Identifying distortions in thinking
Identify the distortions in thinking that cause anti-rational thinking. By recognizing distortions in thinking, such as “should thinking,” “black-and-white thinking,” and “overestimation,” you can correct your thinking to be more realistic and positive.
Rewriting Thoughts
Practice rewriting distorted thought patterns into more realistic and objective thought patterns.
Specifically, we rewrite “should thinking” into “wanting to” desires, “black-and-white thinking” into “balanced thinking,” and “overestimation” into “objective evaluation.
Activating Behavior
If you are stuck in anti-counterfactual thinking and are reluctant to take action, we offer training to activate your behavior. Positive actions such as fun activities and goal-directed actions can help to change your mood and reduce anti-counterfactual thinking.
3. mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of focusing one’s awareness on the present moment. Antinomial thinking is a state of being aware of things other than the present, such as anxiety or regret about the past or future.
Practicing mindfulness has the following benefits
Awareness of countercircular thoughts
Become aware of the occurrence of countercircumcussive thoughts. Observe objectively without getting caught up in the thoughts.
Reduction of attachment to thoughts
Prevents attachment to thoughts and the tendency to keep going round and round in circles. Instead of trying to control the thoughts, you can simply look at them and let them disappear naturally.
How to Practice Mindfulness
Focus on your breathing.
Concentrate on breathing in through the nose and breathing out through the mouth. If a thought comes to mind, gently return your attention to your breath.
Focus on the five senses
Receive information through the five senses, such as what you are seeing, hearing, and feeling. It is one of the basic mindfulness practices and can be expected to reduce counterfactual thinking.
Walking meditation
While walking slowly, focus on receiving information through the five senses, such as the sensation of the soles of the feet, the feeling of the ground, the sound of the wind, and the surrounding scenery. Whenever a thought comes to mind, gently return your attention to your feet.
Meal Meditation
When eating, concentrate on the food in front of you. Use all five senses to carefully savor the food, including its color, shape, aroma, taste, and texture. Concentrating on eating, without looking at the TV or phone, prevents counter-thinking and allows you to savor every bite of your meal.
∙ Be thankful.
In your daily life, try to be grateful for even the smallest things. By being thankful for the things we take for granted, such as being alive here and now, being healthy, and having family and friends, we can calm our minds and prevent anticoncussive thoughts from occurring.
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summary
To free yourself from days of self-loathing and regret, first organize your thoughts and feelings.
Use methods such as writing down your thoughts, cognitive behavioral therapy, and mindfulness to break free from the negative cycle.
It is important to face yourself and take positive action in the present, not to get stuck in past failures and regrets. Take the first step today to free yourself from self-loathing and live a prosperous life.
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